I can't believe I haven't written in over a month. What can I say...life got busy.
August 14th was Faith's birthday. She would have turned 2 years old...she would have been walking, talking, making messes, wreaking havoc, and probably getting into everything under the sun. Instead, our house remains the same. Quiet, free of kids' toys (for the most part), and the cabinet in our kitchen that I cleaned out over two years ago to make room for baby bottles and sippy cups...still sits with one lone bottle I got as a free sample. I'm not sure why I've never put things back in the cabinet. I guess we didn't miss the space, so why move everything around again?
Faith's room is as we set it up. There is still a crib, mostly unused, except by one very special little boy just last weekend. Sarah was so careful when I suggested using it to only use it if we were comfortable doing so. After all, it was supposed to be for Faith, and she didn't want to invade that space. I told her, "It's a piece of furniture." She asked again, "Are you sure?" I assured her we were. It felt a little strange...a little tug on my heart, but it is, after all...just a piece of furniture. Palmer peacefully (for awhile anyway) slept there and it was okay. If it couldn't be for Faith, then it seems appropriate Palmer get to use it first.
We remembered - and celebrated - Faith on her birthday. Jamie's parents, his sister and her family, and Marc, Sarah, and their boys joined us for a barbeque. We enjoyed each other's company and walked to the Catholic church across the street to launch some Chinese Wish Lanterns for Faith. That was definitely one of the coolest things I've done...they took off to the Heavens like nothing I've ever seen. We were all quite impressed, and I felt genuinely happy watching them until they disappeared in the sky. Check out the sidebar for a few pictures of our celebration.
Two years have gone by since my child died. Sometimes that phrase still sounds strange to my ears...like it's someone else saying it, living it. But, it's not. It's our life. I have learned how not to be so sad, so overwhelmed by it. I've learned to celebrate the small moments...the family gathered together, the cards we get in the mail, the phone calls, the texts, the flowers placed on her grave by someone other than us. The beautiful August day (not a phrase you often hear this time of year) made possible only by our little angel. So, the next time an August day tops out at 80 degrees with no humidity, and a cool breeze that makes it possible to want to be outside...say thank you to my daughter.