Surprised...

So, I am suprised. Just after we lost Faith, I met a couple at a support meeting. The father told me, "People will surprise you...in both good ways and bad." And they have. Mostly in good ways. Some people are not as lucky as we are...but we have a tremendous amount of support from family and friends. There are places and people with whom I know that I can talk about Faith all night long and they will not tire of it. But, I have been surprised by some people. Someone I work with, someone I would really only describe as a colleague, asked to form a team in honor of Faith for the March of Dimes March for Babies. So we are. This Saturday we will join other people and a team made up of our family and friends to remember her and to celebrate her; to know that though she didn't weigh very much, she had weight in this world. We will march so that other families do not have to endure what we have. We will march, rain or shine, so that someone else will get to bring home a healthy baby. And one day, Jamie and I will bring home Faith's siblings to this small house, to a house that is a home. We don't have much space, but we don't need much. We have each other and we have what life has given us; we have joy and we have hope and we have God.

People have said to me, "I don't know how you do it...you are so brave." The truth is, I don't feel brave. There are many days that I feel as though I am being held together simply because falling apart isn't really an option. And then something happens...change, that is ever present in life, appears again and rocks my world. My dearest friend, the one I have counted on for almost a decade, to always be present in my "work world"...well, she won't be there next year. Kathleen is being moved to another building. And it rocked my world. It surprised me...and it made me sad. Like my mother has said, "Kathleen is a friend that will transcend work." She is right...we will still gossip about Grey's Anatomy on Thursday nights and she will still be my most amazing friend. But the first thing I thought was, "Kathleen won't be there on what would be Faith's first birthday." I always knew Kathleen would remember it...and now, she won't be there, physically present for what I suspect will be a very hard few days. I know she's always there...

So, we are preparing to have a houseful of people in a house that really can't hold that many people. But, they are my friends and I am so looking forward to including them in one day of the year that is about Faith...a day to honor her and to remember her. All because someone surprised me, in the best of all possible ways. So, thank you, Christina. You may never know, but you have surprised me in ways no one else has. And I so appreciate it.