Remembering Faith Elizabeth

Remembering Faith Elizabeth

Monday, September 6, 2010

Being brave

I have been called strong. I know that - but not for the reasons people think. Yes, surviving the loss of our daughter has strengthened me. But I knew I was strong even before that. A friend told me last year, in the midst of some stress and frustrations at work, "You are fearless." This was in response to the fact that I had, again, opened my mouth and expressed my opinion about something. I know - that will shock those that know me.

Yeah, not so much.

So, I told someone what I thought, expressed my opinion (which, by the way, many people shared but few were saying) and went about my merry way. I was polite and professional. Another skill I apparently possess - the ability to say what I think without being rude. Well, most of the time. It's called tact, people. Many people, both personally and professionally, have shared that they often are afraid to say what they think for fear of what someone else will say or do in return. I have never possessed that fear.

You can blame my parents.

See, not once in 33 years has it EVER occured to me that someone wouldn't want to hear what I have to say.

I'm only half-kidding.

First, I was raised by parents (who my sisters and I affectionately call "fringe" people) who, shockingly, listened to what we had to say as though it was valuable and worth their time. Even when we were barely able to put together a sentence. Hmmm...what a concept. Not to be confused with always doing what we wanted or agreeing with us or even "giving in" to our demands; rather, they taught us that our opinion was important and worth listening to, even if we didn't get what we wanted in the end. They demonstrated to us that what we had to say had worth - no matter what decision was made, we were raised to believe that we were important enough to be listened to. So, that's what I've always believed.

Then I graduated from college and got hired as a new teacher, where, I had a principal that had the same philosophy. She truly had an open-door policy and always listened to what we had to say - no matter what decision she ultimately made I always felt like I'd been taken seriously and that my voice had worth. I also had an assigned mentor that was so much like my mother it was eerie - and she continued to train me well to say exactly what I thought - in a tactful and professional way - no matter who the audience that was listening.

You can see that getting me to sit back and be quiet has been a challenge for those around me. Thankfully, not many have tried. In fact, I'd like to believe that most people who know me love me for this quality. They always know where they stand.

All of this goes back to the idea that my friend shared with me, "You are fearless." Well, I never thought about myself like that. She was referring to the fact that I so "bravely" expressed my opinion. My reply to her was, "I'm fearless - not wreckless." Like many, I need my job. Like most, we can't afford for me to lose my job. I know my boundaries, my limits - and more importantly, I truly do know when to stop talking. Really - I do. And so, sometimes, I do.

More importantly, I know what's important. I have learned this lesson - in ways that are hard and painful. I have learned, because of my beautiful daughter, that I'm not going to waste my time on things that ultimately do not matter. I know what my priorities are and I continue to learn how to balance when to be "fearless" and when to stop. I have been given the opportunity to see through a different lense - that life is more than what I wish for. Jamie and I haven't stopped wishing and hoping - but I think that when we are at our best, strongest and most fearless, is when we take in what is immediately in front of us. When we stop longing for what "should" be and missing the life we "should" have, we find that we appreciate more wholeheartedly the life we DO have - right now. Today. Because despite the sadness and the hardship we could dwell on - and we have had more than our share - we also have a lot of good. We have become fearless through what life has given us. I do not wish our path on anyone - but I wish the lessons we have learned on all of you. They are the lessons that life is about - and they are the lessons that make life worth living for. May you all be so blessed.

Erica

1 comment:

  1. I just viewed your blog for the first time tonight. Thank you for sharing. I realize that it is therapeutic for you, but it helps me feel closer to you. Although I am nervous you'll find grammatical errors in my comments. :) (I'm keeping dictionary.com open on another tab!)

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